My First Pregnancy

Traumatic as it may seem, I still considered my pregnancy and delivery to be the greatest blessing I've ever received because without it, we would not have Rafa today.  Thank you so much Heavenly Father for making all the pain, discomfort, and tears worth it.  Thank you for giving us Rafa!

Kidding aside, well.. in all fairness to my husband, he really has been the best father to our son, Rafa.  And although a secretly known kuripot, he has always proved to be a great provider of our family.  I know he can make a good father to two, three, or even four kids.  But the thing is, I only wanted TWO.

Since neither of us doesn't want to concede on this petty argument, we have come to an agreement that IF in case our second baby would be a girl, then we'll have two kids; IF NOT, then we'll have three.  I really hope we'll have a girl on my next pregnancy!  *fingers crossed*  But whatever God's plan is, I'm good with that.  Thy will be done!

Please don't get me wrong, I am not pregnant.  But my husband strongly believes that baby #2 is due already.  (We wanted all kids to be finished with college before he turns 60.  He's 34 already, so I guess that explains the rush.)  I am just feeling a little bit apprehensive that I may not be capable enough to take care of a toddler and a newborn while managing a household at the same time.

Starting a family abroad is really challenging, especially when you do not have relatives with you who can give an extra hand during tough times.  Actually, I just realized how important social support is the moment Rafael came and I was left alone at home with him (because my husband needs to go to work).  Having a new born is pretty exciting but it can become equally demanding and stressful too -- it's just crazy to breastfeed a newborn every 2-3 hrs round the clock (or even hourly during growth spurts), deal with baby colic, and do the household chores (cleaning, laundry, ironing clothes, etc.) at the same time!  The very popular advice to new moms that says "sleep when the baby sleeps" was not applicable to me that time.  I was sleep deprived, tired, and overwhelmed.  No wonder I ended up having post partum depression.

You know, mothers are not like superheroes.  We are humans who need rest too.  And I guess, maybe, that's where all my apprehensions are coming from.  I'm scared of failing as a mother.  I'm worried of not being able to shower my children with the love and affection that they need simply because I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.  NO.  I don't want that to happen.

I have made a commitment before the Lord, the moment I married Ronnie, that I will be a good parent when I answered "YES" to the priest's question:  "Are you both ready to raise as good Christians the children whom God will give you?"  And I will keep that promise.

Having a child is indeed very fulfilling but it entails GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.  So we decided to have baby #2 once Rafa and I are both ready for a new baby.  When will that be?  I don't know either.  I just hope it's gonna be SOON!

Do you still remember the time when you had your heart broken?  I do.  Mine was five years ago, when my six years relationship with someone, who happened to be my first boyfriend also, ended horribly.  Yes, it was an ugly breakup.

Hurt is an understatement of what I felt back then.  I was devastated.  I was angry, resentful, and my heart was full of hatred.  I was bitter but never did I spoke any word about the issue simply because of one reason -- RESPECT.

It was also during those difficult times when my anticipated job offer from abroad didn't materialize. I was idle, unemployed, jobless.. Whatever you call it!  I was a brokenhearted woman who's struggling with career and personal life.

I remember my sister used to say that in life, some people tend to be lucky in career but unlucky in love; others won't have a successful career but would have a happy love life.  A few are blessed to have both.  On the contrary, I was left with neither of those.  What's even more unfortunate was I lost both at the same time!

My twenty four year old self was so overwhelmed of such loss.  I was trying to convince myself again and again that "everything happens for a reason," but alas, it meant completely nonsense to me.  It's really difficult to understand the logic why the world can be so unfair sometimes.  Maybe because I was young and immature.  Or perhaps, I lacked faith.

I doubted His justness and fairness.  Just like Kubler-Ross's second stage of grief, I found myself questioning Him what I have done wrong to deserve such heartbreak. I wanted to hear words that would help me understand the purpose of such pain, but all I heard was nothing -- only complete silence.

I was lost but I knew right then, upon hearing every lyrics of that song, I was never alone.  Amidst all the troubles and heaviness I had in my heart, I felt comfort.  I felt love.  I AM LOVED!

Moving on was never easy.  But it was something I had to do for myself.  So I decided to let go and chose to forgive.

Just as days passed and seasons changed, everything in my life also started to fall back into place and make sense -- I landed a job and started working locally, I got to know who my REAL friends are, and eventually, found a love that's honest and faithful.

Looking back, I have come to realize that such heartbreak was actually a blessing in disguise.  Have I not had my heart broken five years ago, perhaps, I wouldn't be where I am today -- LIVING A HAPPILY MARRIED LIFE, a dream I have always wished, hoped, and prayed for ever since.

So if one day you find yourself getting tired of all life's s**t, remember that life may sometimes not be fair but HE is.  Just take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and have faith that one day, all the pain would make sense too.  When that day comes, I know that just like me, you'll thank God too for a heartbreak that was not meant to destroy but to bless you, just in a way different than what you have expected.  And with that, allow me to end this post by sharing with you this beautiful prayer from an unknown author:

It's been awhile since we went for a vacation.  Honestly, I missed it.  I miss the long drive especially those times when I used to take the passenger seat and just enjoy the ride while sitting next to my husband.  Life is a LOT different now, I always had to take the back seat with Rafa, who hates being buckled up and would constantly throw tantrums whenever he wants to. Oh my, motherhood had really brought a drastic change into my life.  It felt like I just lost control of everything the moment Rafael came.  But I must admit, life is so much happier when we had him.

It was an hour and a half drive from Abu Dhabi to Dubai.  We decided to drop by Dubai Mall to have lunch at the newly opened Jollibee.  (Yup, you read it right!  The food court in Dubai Mall is open even during the holy month of Ramadan!  That's happiness to every non-Muslim who doesn't fast during the day.)

This food chain is really such a hit among OFWs! Imagine, we had to wait in line for more than one hour before we were able to take our lunch.  It's crazy!  Good thing we had breakfast before leaving home, so basically, we were not yet starving and still had enough patience to wait for the queue.  (Confession:  I am a very impatient person, especially when I'm hungry -- I have the tendency to turn into a monster.  That's why my husband always makes sure that I'm well fed, so as to keep my cool.)

Eventually, our patience did pay off, we did get our order!  I was very excited to finally have a taste of my favorite Jollibee!  Unexpectedly, our excitement turned into a BIG disappointment upon seeing our meals -- it came in a very small serving size. Definitely not worth its price!  I'm sorry to say this but really, Jollibee Dubai Mall is a BIG FAIL -- not worth your time, effort, energy and most especially, not worth your money!  Save yourself from disappointment and just dine somewhere else.

Moving forward, after having lunch, we headed to our hotel which was about 15 minutes away from Dubai Mall.  Pearl Marina Hotel is located along the marina bay giving their guests a magnificent view of the waterfront.  If you've been following this blog, perhaps you already knew how much my husband loves the bay.  So it's no longer surprising that he picked a hotel with a great bay view.

We were actually planning to take a walk and have Iftar at THE WALK in the evening.  However, since Rafa was not able to take his second nap because of too much excitement and preoccupation with his new environment, he ended up totally knocked out as early as 7pm.  In short, the Iftar and the walk thing didn't materialize.

That's the thing with having a baby, you cannot guarantee that the itinerary of the trip will be implemented as planned because kids tend to be grumpy whenever they get tired and sleepy. So just for the sake of keeping my sanity intact, I just decided to stay in the hotel and rest with Rafa.  (Believe me, it's crazy to try to comfort an overtired child especially in public when people keep on staring at you because your child is screaming on top of his lungs.)

Another thing I loved most about this hotel is their buffet breakfast.  I was just not able to take a photo because I was too hungry and salivating already over delicious food to even take a single shot.  Anyway, the buffet is not that extraordinary, in fact it's just the typical toast, omelette, sausage, Alfredo, and pancake type of breakfast.  I guess I loved it because there's not so much Middle-Eastern food on the buffet table (maybe because it's Ramadan and Muslims do fast while the sun is up).  Meaning, I can eat anything!  Actually, I did eat almost everything they served, I was able to finish three plates of food just for breakfast!  Don't mention it, I know!  I'm so 'matakaw'!

Although we were not able to explore Dubai that much, I must say that I really had a great time with our short vacation.  Just relaxing and sharing time with my loved ones without having to worry about a thing -- what's more precious than that?  Nothing!  None that I can think of.

I love fried chicken!  Who doesn't?  It's crispy, crunchy, and oh so flavorful!  Special thanks to the magic wonders of cooking oil and deep pan frying, which also happens to be the main culprit for having that extra pounds and higher cholesterol level.  It's a no brainer, anything deep fried is very delicious.  Anyone who would not agree with that statement is a big liar.  The only sad truth is, it is NEVER healthy.

Honestly, I never really thought that I will be able to cook fried chicken ever again the moment I decided to eat healthy.  So just imagine my excitement and overflowing happiness when I stumbled upon Gina's oven fried chicken recipe.  

I've made it a try last week and guess what?  It did not disappoint!  

So, if in case you want to cook your loved ones a savory fried chicken, maybe you can also give this recipe a try.  It's bursting with flavor, you won't even mind eating it without gravy or ketchup!  And the best thing above all?  It's healthier!

4 skinless and boneless chicken breast, halves (8 chicken pieces)

1 1/2 cups rolled oats, ground (original recipe used bran flakes)

3 tsp salt

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp fresh black pepper

1/2 tsp chili pepper flakes or chili powder (can be adjusted depending on your choice)

5 tbsp light mayonnaise

1 tsp mustard

Oil spray (I used homemade spray made up of 1 part olive oil & 2 parts distilled water)

Preheat oven to 200°C.  Line a baking tray with foil and set a rack above. Spray rack with oil. 

Crush rolled oats in a food processor or chopper. In a bowl mix crushed oats with salt, paprika, garlic powder, black pepper and chili pepper flakes.  Place in a shallow dish or ziplock bag. 

Combine light mayonnaise and mustard. Coat chicken with the mayo-mustard mixture then place over crushed oats mixture until well covered.  Place chicken on wire rack and spray with oil. Bake 35-40 minutes.

This pancake recipe is perfect for those people who are on a diet and are trying to cut on extra calories.  The only issue that I have with this recipe is that the pancakes didn't taste sweet at all.  Maybe because I used the regular ripe bananas.  (We ended up adding pure maple syrup to our pancakes to bring happiness into this dish!)  So if in case you are planning to cook this recipe, please make sure to use an over ripe banana or just top the pancakes with a syrup instead, just like what we did!

How about you?  Any healthy recipe that you can suggest for our next weekend's meatless breakfast?

1 cup whole wheat flour

2 tsp baking powder 

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp cinnamon

2 large bananas, over ripe, mashed

1 cup skim milk

3 egg whites

2 tsp olive oil

1 tsp vanilla powder (2 tsp if using vanilla extract)

4 tsp olive oil for cooking

2 tbsp chopped walnuts (add more if you wish)

1 medium apple, sliced

1 pc cherry

Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl. Combine skim milk, egg whites, olive oil, and mashed bananas in a bowl until smooth. Combine wet ingredients with the dry ingredients and mix until well blended.

Put a skillet over low heat. Make sure that it is very hot before adding a bit of olive oil (for greasing) so as to avoid the mixture from sticking.  Pour 1/3 cup of pancake batter into the skillet. When the pancake starts to bubble and the edges begin to set, flip the pancakes. Repeat with the remainder of the batter.

Add toppings and serve!

If you have been following this blog, perhaps you have already noticed that majority of my recent posts were actually food related.  It is not because I'm trying to be a culinary expert nor a kitchen guru (that's way too impossible to happen), but because I have been working a lot on my cooking/baking skills, trying to find delicious yet healthy kitchen recipes.

I was not health conscious like this when I was younger, but my perspective on food and diet changed the moment I started to have a family of my own.  I felt that as a mom and wife, it is my responsibility to feed my family nutritious food to keep them healthy so they may enjoy and live a long life.

Currently, I am obsessed with preparing healthy dishes and desserts, but not so much to the point of becoming a vegan.  My goal is to serve mains that are low in fat and cholesterol (since my husband and my sister have high LDL) and desserts/snacks that are low calorie, low fat, and sugar free as much as possible.

So today, let me share with you my banana bread recipe.  For me, this recipe is perfect not because it is the MOST delicious banana bread you'll ever taste but because it is low in calorie, fat free, and sugar free, yet yummy enough to be enjoyed by the whole family.  (Believe me when I say the MOST delicious dessert you'll ever taste is also the MOST sinful one because what makes it tastes so heavenly is actually MORE fat and MORE sugar -- say hello to hyperlipidemia and diabetes!)

2 cups over ripe bananas, mashed

1/4 cup skim milk

1/3 cup pure maple syrup

1 3/4 cup whole wheat flour

1 tsp baking soda

3/4 tsp salt

3/4 tsp baking powder

1 1/4 tsp vanilla powder

3/4 tsp cinnamon

1/8 cup chocolate chips or chopped walnuts (optional for topping)

Preheat oven to 180C and prepare loaf pan (preferably oven safe glass pan). In a large mixing bowl, whisk first three ingredients. In a separate bowl, combine all remaining ingredients and stir well. Pour dry into wet, and stir until evenly combined. Transfer to the loaf pan and sprinkle chocolate chips over the top and press down.  Bake for 35 minutes, then turn off the oven but DO NOT open the door!   Let it sit for 10 more minutes before removing and slicing.